zen bones...

Steve Mathew's Blog

OK, so why the zen bones thing?

About 20 years ago I stumbled upon a book called "Zen Flesh, Zen Bones". Being vegetarian - the "flesh" bit didn't grab me, but the short pithy Zen stories inside it, did.

Ever since then my web nick has been zenbones, my Hotmail, my Gmail address, you name it. It's kinda stuck.

Is the blog about Zen? Nope.

Tags: clients fun

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March 5

The art & science of client cost-estimates

Airline Client: “You quoted us for 8 days of 2D graphics. I think that’s way too much.”

Me: “It includes revisions.”

Airline Client: “Well, if you do everything perfectly and we don’t want to change anything, can you charge us less?”

Colleague: “If your airline flew us to London and got us there 10 minutes ahead of schedule, would everyone on the plane get a refund?”

via “clientsfromhell”

Tags: clients fun design web design

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February 12

Another classic from ClientsFromHell

Me: “Ok, we’ve pushed the site live.”

Client: “Why isn’t the site #1 on Google yet?”

Me: “We just pushed it live five minutes ago.”

Client: “Optimize the fireball.”

Me: “I’m sorry? Do you mean the firewall?”

Client: “I need more hits NOW, so I need you to optimize the fireball. I know what I’m talking about!”

Me: “We’ll get right on it.”

Another classic from clientsfromhell:

Tags: fun clients web design Google tech

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December 15

“ If we do post this [Word] document to the Internet, will more than one person be able to view it at the same time? If so, how many? (via clientsfromhell)

Tags: clients fun quotes

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December 10

Can you design a logo for me?

Prospective client: $400 for a logo?! Why are you so expensive? My nephew has Photoshop—I can just get him to do it.
Me: Does your nephew have Microsoft Word?
Prospective client: Yes.
Me: Then have him write you a novel while he’s at it.
Not really from me, but from: "clientsfromhell"

Tags: Clients design fun

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November 30

Lorem ipsum something something

I sent out a link to the beta of a site I was building for a client. Since it was powered by a CMS, the pages still used dummy content. I got a kick out of the email I got back:

“We love the site, but one thing: maybe our computer is broken, but everything seems to be getting translated into Latin. It just says ‘Lorem ipsum something something’. Maybe something is broken with the site or else do we need to change a setting?”

via clientsfromhell:

This has actually happened to me. Seriously.

Tags: fun clients

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October 15

The Vendor Client relationship

I’m not sure if this is funny or tragic. All I know is it’s pretty familiar.

Tags: clients vendors relationships YouTube fun

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